Shyfear

I'm so fucking tired of ignorant people. EVERYDAY I have to deal with this shit. Everytime I go to my german history class suicide always seems to come up, and it's all just a big joke to them! A JOKE! Today the prof put a written piece that some guy did about the coffee house, the whole thing was suppose to be about how everyone can go to the coffee house, or whatever. One of the lines were "If you feel like committing suicide – Coffeehouse!" I almost cried. Everyone else laughed. It's fucking hilarious, isn't it? Yes, laugh at my dead sister, laugh at Kim's dead brother, laugh at all of the victims that the illness killed! And yes, it is an illness, IT IS NOT A CHOICE TO DIE BY SUICIDE. And it is definitely not a JOKE! If that had said "If you have cancer – Coffeehouse!" there wouldn't have been a reaction? Why is that any different? Let's all laugh at all of the people who have cancer! It's hilarious, isn't it? No, it's not. Suicide is exactly like having cancer. It is an ILLNESS. Victims don't ASK FOR IT. And it is UNCONTROLLABLE! It is not a CRIME. Update your vocabulary. You "commit" homicide, you "commit" genocide, you "commit" an act of violence, you do NOT "commit" suicide. You die from suicide. Do you "commit" cancer? No, you die from it. Get out of the stone age people. You are only PROMOTING the negative stigma and because of that people with this illness are dying. They refuse to seek help because people will think they are crazy, or a criminal. My sister was certainly NOT A CRIMINAL! Kim's brother was NOT A CRIMINAL! Ginny's son was NOT A CRIMINAL! Open your eyes and just stop using that out of date phrase so carelessly. Everytime I hear it I literally want to jump off a building, it's the most offensive thing you can say to me. I've been through enough in my life. I lost my family, I lost my friends, I lost myself, I lost my home. I've been through hell, yet I get up in the morning thinking that maybe people have changed, maybe they aren't asses anymore. I work on suicide support and prevention constantly, I help people in crisis, I've talked TONS of people out of suicide. Suicide prevention has become my life, if you're laughing at the concept of suicide then you're laughing at me. If you think it's funny then I cant respect you, or stay your friend. I'm so tired of ignorant people.

I'm going to have to quit school or something, because I certainly cant handle this ignorance anymore.

What is wrong with you people?

So I haven't been on in like, almost a year. For some reason I decided to come on tonight and upload some new pictures even though I SHOULD be doing school work.

Things have been stressful with me. I took summer courses and worked full time, now I am overloading with six courses this semester and on my free time I work on suicide prevention, support, moderate a forum and talk people out of suicide. So I'm exhausted!

Well I am very tired so I should be going to bed. I plan to be on more regularly this time.. We'll see how that goes.

Tschus!

Yays it's my first journal entry!

So I thought I would join DA, though I'm still not quite used to it.

I probably wont upload my drawings, cause I find them kind of sucky, that and they never look right when they are scanned anyway.

But I hope everyone likes my pictures =] A lot of them are self portraits, I'm not conceited, but I'm just my own model haha.

I'm still using my old cameras, I'm trying to buy a Fuji S6000FD off of ebay. Ohhhh I'm so excited for it!! I cant wait, I just hope nothing goes wrong!

So yeah, nothing else to say for now. I really need to study for my exams, but I know I'll keep procrastinating, I'm so sad haha.

Gute nacht alles!